NICU

I've been draging my feet about writing about this because I swear it took 10 years off my life. I would say this is one of the HARDEST things I have ever gone thru.

So since Dylan was born 5 1/2 weeks early the dr's were worried about his lung development, his weight, etc. Because of that he had to go straight to the NICU and stay there for awhile. After I was all taken care of I got to go and see Dylan in the NICU. I will never forget seeing him there with just a diaper on under the heat lamp with all these cords looking helpless, it kinda scared me when I first saw him. The nurse that was looking after him was very nice, and said he's doing great. But I started to cry and didn't know what to say or do. She asked me if I wanted to hold him, and I was shocked because I didn't think I would be able to hold him. The nurse handed him to me and the tears kept rolling, finally I was trying to get myself together so I could look at my son. When I finally focused on him he opened his eyes and looked right at me. I've been in love with him ever since. Ryan just let me hold him while we cooed over him. He asked the nurse some questions like how long will he be in here?? The nurses there give you the same answer which is don't expect him to go home until his due date. That's 5 1/2 weeks!!! I was kinda mad, but I had to understand that it's better for him to be in there then at home with me. Ryan and I were in the NICU for about a half an hour and then I went back to my room. Ryan was tired, and so was I. Ryan left, and I tried to get some sleep but I would wake up to other mother's babies crying. And then that would make me start to cry because I never thought that I wouldn't have my baby in the room with me, and when I would have visiters they would come in and look around the curtain expecting to see the baby but all they would see is my breast pump. lol

So the next day we would be in and out of the NICU to see Dylan not knowing what was happening and the nurses couldn't give us answers just the dr could. But we never had the same dr. because the dr. that looks over the NICU was in Africa for 6 months. So other drs would come in on certain days to make the rounds. So we never got the same dr which was really frustrating because no dr.s were talking to us to let us know what was happening. Dylan in my eyes was doing great!!! About 2 days later we had this nurse named Tabitha which was a saint. She finally told us what needs to happen to get him home. Dylan needed to meet mile stones in order for him to get discharged. He had to gain weight, be able to search for a nipple, and got 48 without his feeding tube. Ryan and I were going to help him out in any way we could. But of course there's no way they would let me stay there the whole time Dylan was there. I remember the dr. that was on call came to my room and said since your doing great were going to discharge you tomorrow. I was fighting back the tears, and just agreed with her. She left and I texted Ryan right away and told him to get here ASAP. I went into the bathroom and broke down, and didn't know what to do. How could I leave the hospital without my son??? Why would they do this to me??

Ryan finally got to the hospital and I had gotten myself together. He was a little mad that I was getting discharged without Dylan. But that's how it goes. That whole day Ryan and I held dyan as much as we could. We would do skin to skin, take picture's. Just love him :) Tabitha came on duty and Dylan was under her care. So she said lets try feeding him a bottle with 5 cc. We said sure. lol It seriosly took us an hour to try to feed him those cc's ( it's like a pin drop of milk). Dylan just needed to get used to nipple and sucking without getting tired. He did so they had to feed him the rest thru his feeding tube. We were such proud parents trying to get him to take the bottle( my milk wasen't in yet) but he just tuckered himself out. We were smiling though knowing that he was making his mile stone on feeding.

The next day was my discharge day. I went to go and see Dylan before Ryan got there. I was holding him skin to skin trying to hold myself together thinking I'm not leaving here without him. Ryan got there and we tried again with feeding but he tuckered himself out before he finished his CC's. We decided to go home. we went to go and get the stuff out of my room and our hands were FULL!! We walked by the NICU and I started to break down but kept walking. We got to the elevator and Ryan Says " this is not right that were walking out of here without our son" I said " its funny because were would we put him, our hands are full" it kinda broke the mood. But the ride home felt like it was forever and all I could think of was him. We got home and looked around, and I finally said this is not right. But we knew that we could go up the NICU anytime we wanted too because we each had a band around our wrist that gave us the right to walk past emergency when the front doors were locked. When we left we knew Dylan's feeding scheld. was every three hours 8 am, 11am, 2pm, 5 pm, 8pm, 11pm, 2am, 5 am. I would go to his 8am, 2pm, sometimes 5pm, 8pm, 2am feedings. I never wanted to leave his side. I would go in the morning, be there for 2 hrs, come home and sleep till his 2pm. Then for sure be there at 8pm for his feeding and bath time. Ryan was working night shift so his 2 am feedings we'd both be there. the nurses at first told me I didn't need to be there but I told them that if I was at home I would be up knowing this is his feeding time and think to myself why am I not there. We did this scheld for almost two weeks, till finally he got to come home. It was funny because the dr told me he could come home in three days( he finally didn't need his feeding tube, and he was gaining weight) I remember two nights before he was supposed to come home I couldn't go to his 2 am feeding because I couldn't stop crying, I wanted him HOME!!!!

The next day I went to his 8 am feeding and his nurse which we've never had before asked me if I was ready for him to come home. I said "Yes" Why? She goes I'm going to talk to the dr(which just got there to do her morning rounds) about him going home today. My eyes started to well up with tears,I couldn't look at nurse,all I could do was look at Dylan. She left to go and talk with the dr, and I whispered in Dylan's ear " your going to come home today baby". When I said that he opened his eyes and looked at me, then closed them. I was so excited!!! Finally the dr came around and checked on him and said he can go home today if your ready, and I said YES!!!! I asked the nurse when can I take him home, she said whenever I wanted too. I told her I was going to go home,wake up Ryan and come get him. I was so excited I didn't even finish feeding him.

I came home and Ryan was sleeping of course. I ran into the room and kicked the bed and said we get to bring Dylan home....RIGHT NOW!!!!! He didn't really move, just looked the the ceiling, finally he said " are you serious?" I said "Yes, now get up"!! So he did and out the door we went!!! We got to the hospital and the nurse haden't even finished the paper work to discharge him yet. So we got him changed into one of his outfits that we had packed for him. Then the nurse went over home care stuff, etc. Out the door we went!!! When we left the NICU I turned to Ryan and said " it feels strange that were walking out with him" like we were going to get in trouble!!! ha ha....but out of the hospital we went!!! I'll never forget that day and feeling!!!!